Close call
by HelloMandaPanda
Summary: 2D has a sad time and almost does something he can't undo. Emotional pain, hurt, abuse. Very sad, i'm sorry for this.


I began writing this while in a very sad mood, then tried to lift it up toward the end. I'm not sure how that worked out, but I rolled with it. It's a longer one, I wasn't sure the right place to stop it at... I hope it's alright. Very sad… probably the saddest I've ever gone with a fanfiction. (yet) we'll see where my fucked up mind takes me. But for now, here's this. As always, no pairings, just an incredibly dysfunctional family. Enjoy!

The skin around his eye had become swollen already. Just about an hour before, 2D had endured yet another act of violence from the troubled Murdoc Niccals. 2D hadn't done anything notably wrong, then again he never had to. When Murdoc got into these moods, which was quite often, 2D was the one to suffer for it. The poor fool never bothered to defend himself, as it would only worsen the situation. He couldn't compare to Murdoc's strength. Besides, the scrawny man was used to it. It had become just another part of his life he had to accept.

On this day in particular, 2D felt differently. He couldn't stop thinking about the events that had just occurred. Murdoc had gotten a little too personal, he recalled as he thought of the words that were shouted at him; "I only need you for your voice! You think I'd care if anything happened to you? You're just an instrument to me, you're replaceable!"

Thinking of the words again made 2D's head drop. He knew Murdoc wasn't a particularly sensitive guy, but he figured he'd meant more to the bassist than that. They'd known each other for over a decade, and regardless of his bastard ways, 2D thought of Murdoc as a friend.

He never had many friends, and he'd gown to love his band-mates. Due to his lack of experience and his damaged brain, he didn't realize how unhealthy he and Murdoc's friendship was. He'd spent countless nights furious with the man, but in the end, he would forgive and forget.

Tonight, however, thoughts were going through 2D's head that he didn't understand. He found himself thinking the same thing again and again.

"What if something were to happen to me?"

He'd never thought about such a thing before, but as much as he tried to destroy the thought, it kept coming back. Murdoc had to care, didn't he? 2D wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. He sighed aloud, bringing one hand up to wipe the wetness from his cheek. He had already taken quite a few of his painkillers, but his head still hurt. His fragile mind had been thinking too much, and that was never good for him.

He reached over to his night-stand, opening the top drawer to retrieve his medication. Through naturally blurry vision, he spots the orange bottle and proceeds to reach for it. His hand stops, hovering above the container as he spots something else that catches his interest. Instead of grabbing the pill bottle, he places his hand on the cold metal of his handgun. He kept it close at night for defense purposes. Pirates, zombies, demons; he'd seen it all, and you could never be too safe. He pulls the object close to him, feeling the weight of it in his hands.

Downstairs, Murdoc thought about his words as well. Of course he didn't mean it, but the words have already been said. He couldn't take them back. He could apologize, but that was unlikely. Along with an apology came a certain amount of shame. He would have to admit he was wrong, and he was _never_ wrong. He sat alone at the table, half empty bottle of rum in hand, and poured himself another drink. He didn't want to think right now, so he wasn't going to. Once again, he was relying on the alcohol to wash away his problems.

2D's eyes were fixated on the gun, he could not take them away. Was he really thinking about doing this? He thought about Murdoc, that selfish, arrogant sociopath. He shook his head, focusing instead on something more optimistic. He thought about the time Russel delivered a blow so hard to Murdoc's face that it broke his nose. He smiled at this. Russel was always looking out for him. He appreciated that.

His mind then shifted focus toward Noodle. He thought about how small she was when they'd first met, and how much she'd grown since then. She's such a sweet girl. She and 2D had always shared a special zen bond. She was a true friend. So was Russel.

He thought about how they' react if something were to _happen_ to him. A sad thought then crept it's way through his head. Sure, he loved the two of them like family, but how was he to know they felt the same? The very low mood he was in had him feeling terribly about himself, but even in such a mood, he knew the thought was unrealistic. He knew they cared, but he was convinced Murdoc could care less if he lived or died.

2D lifted the gun to his chin, mentally apologizing to Russel and Noodle for what he was about to do. His hand guided the gun to his mouth, where he bit down on the barrel and squeezed his eyes shut. He positioned his finger on the trigger, his breathing was growing heavier by the second. The gun shook slightly as his hands began to quiver. He could feel his heart beating rapidly against his chest. He could hear it in his ears. Sweat began to collect on his forehead as he struggled for oxygen. He was breathing even heavier now.

' _Do it_.' The voice in his head taunted. His finger applied more pressure to the trigger, just slightly causing it to move. His eyes shot open as he realized what he was about to do. He loosened his grip on the trigger and pulled the gun away from himself. He set the gun down in his lap, removing his hands from it entirely and stared down at the object. Eyes wide, breathing heavy and heart racing, he realized in full the extent of what he was about to do. All he could do was stare down at the object in his lap. His mind was so clouded with thought that he didn't notice his door open. The figure's large shadow cast itself over 2D, causing the distraught individual to look up.

"What the hell happened to you?" Russel's voice boomed through the silent room.

"Huh?" 2D responded feeling panicked and unsure. He was still panting. Russel raised one eyebrow revealing a look of utter confusion. He was of course referring to 2D's wide eyes, sweat drenched hair, tense posture and heavy panting. Did 2D not realize how he looked?

"What the hell have you been doing up-" Russel stops mid sentence, noticing the gun on 2D's lap. His voice immediately changes tone from one of confusion to genuine concern.

"Why've you got a gun, 'D?" 2D looked down, he had been taken so off guard that he forgot the weapon was still sitting in his lap, exposed. He didn't know what to say to the other man. The situation Russel had just walked into was explainable, unless he told him the truth. 2D didn't say anything for a long time. He was still trying to calm himself down.

"I'm asking you a question." Russel said sternly after at least a minute of silence

"I need," 2D stammered. "I think I need you to sit down." Russel's look of confusion returned, but he did as was asked of him, closing the door behind him and taking a seat next to his frantic friend.

"What's up, man? Should I get the others? Is someone after you or somethin'?" Russel guessed. 2D focused on breathing slowly. His heart was in his throat, he wasn't sure how to say this.

"I just almost shot myself." He said bluntly. Russel's ghostly white eyes widened.

" God, damn it man, I knew I couldn't trust you with a gun. You're always running into stuff and falling over and hurting yourself." Russel paused. "You throw a gun in there and an accident is bound to happen." Russel sounded frustrated, disappointed maybe. 2D was not the brightest person, so Russel assumed that what 2D had told him occurred as a result of his slow mind.

"On purpose." 2D said, looking down. Russel's head snapped over to look at him.

"On purpose?! Like... with intentions of dying, on purpose?"

2D said nothing. He didn't have to. Russel just sat there, staring at the man in amazement. This was one of the last thing's he'd ever expect to hear from 2D. To be honest, Russel wasn't sure his band-mate could understand or process such serious thoughts. 2D had the mind of a child, innocent, naive, ignorant at times, but Russel was now seeing a completely different side of him. He knew that 2D had been sad before, he was only human. But it was now appearing that the advantage Murdoc would take of the poor man's slow mind was having quite the effect him.

"Shit, man." Russel sighed. "I don't know what to say to that. I think I'd better get Noodle."

'No!" 2D practically shouted. The last thing he wanted was to burden someone else with this.

"Please, don't tell anyone!" 2D pleaded.

"This isn't something I can just ignore. I need help with this."

There was nothing 2D could do as Russel left the room, off to get Noodle. She'd always been better with emotional things than Russel or Murdoc could ever be. She was sensitive, compassionate, and experienced at just twenty three years old.

Russel returned with Noodle a few minutes later, by the looks of the young girl, it appeared Russel had already told her about what happened. She entered the room, alongside Russel, her eyes held a troubled gaze as she sat next to her friend.

"Why?" She asked, that one word alone possessed so much emotion. Confusion, worry, sadness and most surprisingly, anger. 2D looked at her, then at Russel, then down to the ground.

"It was nothing, just stupid. Russel's over-reacting s'all."

Russel glared at him slightly for this, and Noodle continued to look at him, unconvinced.

"I was jus wonderin what it would be like if … you know… I wasn't here anymore. Then, the situation projected itself from there."

"We need more than that, 'D." Russel announced. 2D sighed heavily, not wanting to get into details. He, himself hadn't had time to process the situation. How was he supposed to explain it to someone else? He doesn't even know what came over him.

"Earlier, Murdoc was tellin' me how he wouldn't care if I was dead, so I guess… I wanted to prove him wrong."

Russel sighed, he had a feeling this was because of Murdoc.

"I don't think I could ever do it." 2D started again, "So you don't need to worry, really." There was a silence in the room that lasted longer than anyone would have liked.

"I'm going to get Murdoc." Russel announced.

"No!" 2D screamed in protest.

"Are you sure that is a good idea?" Noodle questioned.

"I don't care, that asshole's gotta see the result of his actions"

And with that, Russel left the room once again, leaving Noodle and 2D alone. Neither one of them was sure what to say to the other. 2D started with all he could think of.

"I'm sorry, Noodle."

"Just… don't scare me like that." She said quietly.

"I don't know what I was thinkin.''

Noodle wraps an arm around her friend as an attempt to comfort him. They sit there in silence for a while longer, waiting for the remaining members to join them. Soon, muffled voices could be heard in the hall outside. Russel enters first, followed by Murdoc close behind.

"Why the hell'd ya have to go shovin' a gun to your head?" Murdoc's gruff voice spoke immediately. "You know how bad that makes me look?"

"This is serious, Muds." Russel interjected.

"I know that," Murdoc insists, shooting a glare at the drummer. "Is this about that bit about me saying something about… uh… you being replaceable or something?" he asks.

"You know you didn't mean it, Murdoc, now apologize." Noodle pressured. Murdoc gave her a look, it wasn't like Murdoc to apologize, but considering the severity of the situation, he figures he's better do it and get it over with. He contemplated this for a moment before sitting down on the other side of 2D.

"Look, mate." He began. "Of course I'd care. You're the lead singer of Gorillaz for Christ's

sake. It wouldn't be the same without you." Noodle smiled at Murdoc's words. She was proud of him for finally admitting his feelings. But, he wasn't done there.

"And if you're stupid enough to take anything I say seriously, I worry for ya, mate." Unlike Noodle, Russel rolled his eyes. Somehow, Murdoc managed to apologize without actually apologizing. But after realizing that was the best he was going to get, he decided to take it.

Murdoc was an asshole, there was no denying that. He had some serious issues he was unwilling to work out. He was abusive, both verbally and physically, but he could still feel. He had emotions, as unsteady as they may be. Of course he'd care if something were to happen to his band-mate, 2D. But Nobody, NOBODY outside of the band could ever know that.


End file.
